The bomb-blast discovery ruined Dorothy’s dream completely and the trust she had in Francis. Today, let us continue to see their lives as two individuals.

When Dorothy insisted on a separation, Francis had mild regret because he felt he lost the family for whom he worked hard to build. But life as a bachelor, on the other hand, was a total relief as he physically escaped from her accusations and nagging, and could do what he wished with no more restrictions. 

Francis rented an apartment near their old place while Dorothy moved back to her parents’ home with Benjamin. He made her a key and gave her space to make up her mind. But then, his girlfriend Julie, was eager to bunk in with him occasionally and gradually started to leave behind her personal belongings around the apartment. Dorothy somehow saw the stuff when she dropped in in his apartment and yelled at Francis on the phone. He might have regretted giving Dorothy a spare key to his apartment – it was giving her a licence to check on him.

Living in the same vicinity meant meeting familiar faces, including people whom Francis did not want to see the most. He bumped into her parents in a supermarket once and that was more than enough. So Francis made up his mind to move out of the area and stay far, far away from them.

Friends of all sorts bunked in with Francis in his new rented apartment and one of them saw a ghost. Francis simply locked up the room where his friend saw the ghost. That was the time Francis started dating Pim.

When Julie found out about Pim, a bitter war ensued between the two women.  Julie lost her temper and boxed Francis when she caught him making a phone call to Pim. Francis felt he did not  deserve such treatment and boxed her back. 

At times, Francis thought and felt that he was doing right to leave Dorothy and Benjamin for what he wanted – to be with another woman. He was so convinced that that was the best way. But during the second year of separation, the absence somehow cooled down the fire and fury between Francis and Dorothy although they were not exactly falling back into each other’s arms.

He wanted to be with Benjamin and Dorothy more. He missed his son, his wife, the fellowship with friends and relatives, and the respect they gave him.  During weekends and holidays like Chinese New Year, he wanted to be with his family and relatives badly.

But Francis was in some kind of bondage from which he could not break free and could not think straight. He could not let go of either world. Life during those months was weird to Francis; he said the best word to describe it is: surreal. 

He could be lounging in Bangkok with his girlfriend and making a long-distance call to Dorothy with promising words, “I remember my promise to you. I won’t fool around. You must trust me.” Francis even ensured her that “All change takes time. We just have to be patient and trust each other.” But once he put down the phone, he went back into his girlfriend’s arms! That was truly ridiculous!

Bedding multiple girlfriends is the stuff of male fantasies. But Francis admitted that they gave men bad headaches in reality. He used to think that these ladies genuinely cared for him. It was only later he realised that all of them were manipulative, using him to get additional stays on top of their initial social passes and to finance their holidays - plane tickets, hotels and meals. That’s their typical modus operandi.

By the third year of his ‘bachelorhood’, his life fell into a new rut. He worked late, dashed to the pub, bought a round of drinks for the ladies and watched his girlfriend entertain other men. He waited for her to get off work and fetched her home, slept for three or four hours, and go through the same routine the next day. At times, he was jealous seeing his girlfriend entertain other men, so he left the pub and cruised around. Life looked like a fantasy on the outside, but it was not so in reality. No matter how much he made, he was always broke by the end of the month. He realised he spent much money on those manipulative women and often, there were fights between these women and him. 

Francis said that in the early stage, life with Julie was fun and exciting. But the romance turned sour when they showed their true colours. They were only concerned with their individual needs and wants. Then her wily nature showed up when she realised Francis did not fall for her lie that she just had a miscarriage. She resorted to calling Dorothy with the same sob story and said Francis had been violent towards her. Life with these women was a real headache to Francis - he could hardly concentrate on his job.

Living apart from his family for a long time, Francis started missing Benjamin dreadfully. So he woke up early on Saturdays in order to see Benjamin. He was not very keen to meet up with Dorothy as he wanted no more accusations and quarrels. 

But Dorothy agreed for Francis to take Benjamin out only if she tagged along.  He did not like the idea – he saw that as Dorothy checking on him again. But for the sake of seeing his son, he agreed. He ignored her on their outings and just concentrated on the little boy. Surprisingly, Dorothy did not make a nuisance of herself and Francis grew to enjoy those outings. In fact, he revealed that both of them were more cordial to each other when they met only once a week. And after a while, he looked forward to not just seeing his son, but also his wife. The only part Francis did not enjoy during each outing with them was the ending – he had to send them back to his parents-in-law. He felt it was unpleasant to meet the old folks. 

Francis had no family, no house, no savings and in 2002, he was retrenched from his position as the president of the Asian branch of a Swedish company.  Though given retrenchment benefits, he was out of a job for six months.  That’s the worst period of his life.

With the loss of his job, to Francis, life had lost its meaning. During the day, he had moments of extreme loneliness. He was so lonely that he ended up talking to himself. Though he had girlfriends and buddies, they had their work or they had to leave the country to renew their social passes. The pub scene had grown stale for him. There were nights he did not want to go out at all. He did laundry, watched television and went to bed. He became more and more pessimistic and had frequent raging fevers, as often as once a month.

When his job search did not turn up anything month after month, friends started leaving him. Pim stopped calling; Julie returned to the Philippines. The phone stayed silent. He stared at the four walls in his tiny rented flat day after day. For a gregarious person like Francis, that was very painful for his morale and self-esteem.

Out of desperation, he dropped in on his family. His mother was happy to see him. She wisely avoided topics of his girlfriends, his lifestyle and moving back with Dorothy. They had a good time eating and chatting together. The long hours alone gave him ample time for bitter reflection. The things he had invested in – career, wealth, lifestyle and lovers – were like a puff of smoke that blew away with the first wind of change. Instead, he felt that Dorothy and his immediate family who showed care and acceptance were the people whom he had hurt the most.

By the fifth month of joblessness, Francis sprained his back badly. That was the time he discovered that being a bachelor, friends never bothered whether he was alive or dead. Francis was thankful that Dorothy cared for him for days when he was bedridden with pain. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “He will not let you be tempted beyond you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it”. God’s plan started working incredibly between the couple.

Francis had already left the house of God for four years. He realised that he reached a point where he saw his life filled with material wealth whereas deep inside was a vacuum. Since he lost his job, he had no one to talk to. He had alienated his family. He was revolted by the flaws emerging from beneath his girlfriends’ painted exterior. There was no one left to help him untangle the knots he had bound himself in. It was time to talk to God. He decided to visit a nearby church.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 say, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart”.

Perhaps at last, Francis realised that his fall into temptation led him nowhere but to a string of broken relationships. His wilfulness had created much disappointment and pain to those who love him immensely. Please join us next week and see how Francis sought God for wisdom and guidance.

（Families, greet everyone in Christ for peace. We are collecting suggestions and feedback from family members on the launch of Global Communication APP. Please scan the QR code above to participate, Immanuel!）