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We live in a time when many people feel insecure about the events unfolding around them. Just as such anxieties create fertile ground for phobias to take root, so too must healthy minds be nurtured with care.
It has been said that fear enters a newborn the moment they become an independent entity, as the umbilical cord is cut.
Many mothers entrust their newborns to someone else’s care shortly after birth. Some have postulated that from this moment, the absence of emotional interaction could allow fear to grow within the infant. If left without the necessary care and warmth of motherly attention, the child may develop an unhealthy state known as phobic disorder.
Phobia is another term for hysterical anxiety. In some cases, it stems from what is known as the Oedipus complex during early childhood. This may occur when a mother, overwhelmed by frustration, distances herself from the child—either physically or emotionally.
Sometimes, a mother might make threats out of exasperation, saying things like, “I’ll give you away” or “I’ll call the police” to control an unruly child. While these statements may not be meant literally, they can heighten a child's panic and anxiety. Children exposed to such fear-inducing experiences may unknowingly develop low self-esteem and a lack of security.
If a child has a hereditary predisposition to anxiety, these experiences can further tip the scale towards phobic tendencies. Parents who either use fear-based threats or adopt an overly protective approach may inadvertently create the conditions for phobias to take hold.
Another potential cause of phobic tendencies is the inability to cope with mental pressure. Take, for example, a child drawn to music, literature, or visual arts who is instead forced by their parents to pursue subjects like medicine, physics, or mathematics. Years later, such pressures may manifest in the form of a phobia.
Some individuals have the resilience to stand firm against unreasonable expectations. Others, however, may struggle to resist such pressures, leading to self-sabotage.
Take the case of an introverted female student who pushed herself into activities requiring strong social skills—despite knowing this was her Achilles’ heel. Wanting to bask in the limelight of leadership, she enrolled in a leadership training course against the advice of her parents and teachers. She collapsed on the second day of training, unable to cope with the demands.
Some people, driven by a kiasu (fear of losing out) mentality, push themselves into situations beyond their capacity. When they reach their breaking point, extreme phobia takes over. They may then avoid anything that reminds them of their distressing experience.
Others challenge their personal limits without first conditioning their minds and bodies. Many of these individuals ultimately suffer emotional breakdowns. Those prone to chronic tension are particularly vulnerable to phobic episodes. If left unaddressed, these phobias can spiral into serious mental disorders, leaving the individual in a state of ruin.
We all possess an innate fear reflex. Personally, my fear of lizards took hold after one unexpectedly landed on my head. Though this was a natural reaction, the experience became a personal "panic button" before I even realized it.
At that point, I recognized the need for self-therapy. I began observing these creatures, marveling at their unique ability to walk on vertical walls and even upside down on ceilings. I thanked God for encouraging me to learn more about these fascinating creatures rather than allowing herpetophobia (fear of reptiles) to take hold of my subconscious.
Phobic disorders are often linked to a lack of self-confidence, hypersensitivity, nervousness, and feelings of depression or dejection. Some individuals resort to excessive smoking or retreat into a stupor, drowning themselves in gaming addictions or shutting out the world entirely. They become unusually withdrawn and introverted.
I suffered from social anxiety disorder (SAD) during my adolescent years. Looking back, I realized that two factors played a role:
(i) My mother was overly protective of me.
(ii) My own personality contributed to the issue.
I had always considered myself an introvert, but nothing could be further from the truth. My mother’s protective nature had simply denied me the opportunity to face life’s challenges.
I recall an incident from my childhood. My mother frequently took overnight train trips to visit my father at his workplace. On one occasion, she returned unexpectedly after an argument with him. Imagine her shock when she arrived home to find her eight-year-old child perched high up on a tree branch! She later told me she nearly fainted at the sight.
Years later, while studying psychology at university, I discovered that I had a dual personality—both subdued and active. Could it be that my mother’s overprotectiveness had suppressed my extroverted tendencies over the years?
Children raised under overly restrictive rules often grow up timid, fearful of participation, overly sensitive, and highly dependent on others—much to the frustration of their parents.
Phobic disorders can also develop when the mind is subjected to intense emotional distress. Factors such as parental conflicts, frequent quarrels, threats of divorce, rejection, or abandonment can trigger deep-seated fears. The trauma of witnessing a loved one injured or killed in an accident, or experiencing a life-threatening event such as a fire, can leave lasting psychological scars. If proper guidance and support are not provided, these fears may permanently alter a person's emotional well-being.
Common phobias include the fear of using public restrooms, eating while being watched, speaking in front of a crowd, interacting with the opposite sex or strangers, or being sent to an unfamiliar place.
Some parents, fearing negative influences, impose strict social restrictions on their children. This can result in a reluctance to engage in social activities—another pathway to SAD.
Since human beings are inherently social creatures, communication with others is vital. Isolating a child from social interactions is unwise. While it is understandable that parents want to protect their children from negative influences, it is far better to teach them how to choose their friends wisely rather than forcing them to avoid social contact altogether.
My point is this: we should take every opportunity to guide our children in distinguishing right from wrong so that they can make informed choices as they grow. When this foundation is laid early, they will be less likely to struggle with social anxiety when they eventually step into the broader world—the workplace and beyond.
At this juncture, let me add that phobic disorders can manifest in physical symptoms such as fever, diarrhea, and headaches when the stress becomes overwhelming.
This reminds me of a young girl who frequently fell ill with fevers. Each time it happened, her mother kept her home from school. Eventually, the child confessed that her kindergarten teacher was too strict and aggressive. Her fevers persisted until one day, her mother—fed up—told her bluntly that she had to go to work and could no longer stay home to care for her.
Interestingly, from that point on, the fevers disappeared. This case strongly illustrates the connection between mental and physical health.